2. Don’t write for him. Write for you. Write for others like you. Write so the girl that thinks about stepping in front of public transportation doesn’t. Don’t be selfish.
3. When you will yourself to sleep and it doesn’t come— get up. It doesn’t matter that it’s 3 am. There will be other 3 am’s. Take a shower. Take two. Wash him out of your hair. Write a poem. Read the same book you’ve read 202 times again. The 203rd time might tell you something different. Don’t stay in bed— you will think about the bus again.
4. Don’t kiss him because he’s broken. Don’t kiss him because his laughter never reaches his eyes. Don’t try and fix him. Fix yourself first. Be selfish. He can’t save you.
5. Date yourself. Take yourself out to eat. Don’t share your popcorn at the movies with anyone. Stroll around an art museum alone. Fall in love with canvases. Fall in love with yourself.
6. Dress up and wear red lipstick and get drunk with your friends. They’re the ones that will pick you up. Don’t kiss him. Or him. Don’t fall asleep on strange couches with strange boys. When his hand slides up your dress walk away. Hit him. Don’t kiss him. He can’t save you.
7. Get another tattoo. Get five more. Get another hole in your ear. Don’t listen to your dad. You will still be able to get a job. Did you really want to be employed by someone like your father? Haven’t you had enough of judgmental old white men anyway? Get fuck you tattooed in tiny letters on your hip.
8. When you feel the yearning for a new city— start over. Take 200 bucks and a three suitcases. Work anywhere that will have you. Meet strange people and forget your name. Call yourself Ruby. No one will know the difference. Remember to call your mother. Don’t be selfish. Come home when you find yourself in the strangers and the small one bedroom apartment.
9. Don’t whisper evil things into your own ear. Other people are going to shout them at you. Be your own hero. Keep a sword on your key ring.
10. Don’t step in front of a city bus. It will not be beautiful. Live. Stay up all night with a boy that promises you everything and means it. Live. See shitty local bands with a friend. Wear a different band’s t-shirt. No one will care. Live. Have a baby girl with tiny fingers and tiny toes someday. Pour love into her until it’s overflowing. Live. Wake up. Staying in bed all day is not poetic.
Do you hear that? It’s me. It’s your life. Wake up.
you know if i was a young boy and my father took me into the city to see a marching band i would actually be pretty pissed if he said son when you grow up would you be the savior of the broken the beaten and the damned like dad im trying to enjoy this parade can we talk about this later jesus christ
Word! I’ve been a downward battle with depression and anxiety all week. Last night was the eye of the storm. My Depression said I was alone, and An it said no one liked me. Then Panic joined and I was convinced that I was doomed to spend this life lonely and friend-less. (But on the bright sode, last night was the eye of the storm and I’ve since returned to my proper senses.. whatever that means). Distance has taken a toll on us, but I KNOW that when we get together again it will be like we were never apart! Don’t feel bad about moving forward with your life!! Speaking for myself: I miss you tons, but I’m so proud and excited for you! :)
I’m beginning to realize one of the harshest realities of growing up: you and all your friends move away and you completely lose contact. =(
Also lately I’ve been feeling guilty about not talking to my best friend and feeling like I chose my boyfriend over her but then I finally remembered that SHE rejected ME and while we are still friends, I should never feel guilty for moving on, getting a life, and finding someone who actually returns my feelings. I guess I do deserve to be happy.